A few months ago, I came across a quote that really resonated with me. I had looked up an artist whom I had met many years ago though my days in radio. She had written a few songs that I had held on to, as they offered me a soundtrack when going through particularly difficult times, or times where I was down and wanted to believe someone else understood what I was feeling. I came across some of her newer thoughts online and found this particular quote that made me take a deep breath and sigh, finding my feelings once again put into words by someone else.
“It’s amazing how the human spirit clings to hope – even at the end of an exhausting cycle of disappointment – Yet here I am, about to try something new and dare to hope again. Why do I hope? Because I am stubborn enough to keep believing in what I do not yet see.” – Jo Davidson
I held on to these words, not having the motivation or even the strength to create my own piece of art out of them. All I knew at the time was that I was tired of being disappointed. In fact, I was exhausted by it. But that hope never did go away. I’m not even sure if it was weakened at all by the cycle of disappointment.
I sit here months later, finally having found the spark to get back into my own version of creativity and I came across Jo’s words, which now resonate in a very different way for me. Recently, my stubbornness paid off and I got a glimpse of what I kept believing in. My glimpse is what they call in the therapy world, a “corrective emotional experience”. Something or someone shows you that things can be different than the previous experiences you have had. We learn to behave a certain way based off of those old experiences and hold on to those behaviors because they are what we know - how we know - to cope with the experiences in the past. The problem we run into is letting go of these past experiences long enough to process and embrace the corrective one. To quote my friend Robert, “The therapeutic work will be distinguishing what is still appropriate self-protection and what is operating from the past that no longer serves you”. If I can let go of what I have experienced in the past and allow my behaviors and thoughts to match my new experience, I might even be able to let go of the word “hope” and let it manifest into “reality”. It can be a very difficult thing to do, but I am trying.
It seems to me that it is the only thing we can do – Trying. Hoping. Letting go. Loving. Having faith and trusting that someday… it will work out.
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