I haven’t posted in a long time. I have about 10 excuses for it, but really
the only reason is that I haven’t had it in me.
For some reason though, tonight is bringing it out.
Over the last 2.5 months I have been doing a ton of work on
myself. And I mean a TON. After going separate ways from a job and a
relationship in March (ironically on the same day), I found my life turned
somewhat upside-down. It took a few days
but I picked myself back up and repositioned myself to walk down a different
path. I have met a lot of new people
along my journey so far and I am honored to be able to call a few of those people my
friends.
This evening I was sitting with one of my new friends after
we had received some devastating news that someone she knew, who kind of runs in
our circle, had taken her own life. We sat and talked over coffee for almost an
hour and a half, mostly on the subject of hope.
Hope is something that all of us have at times but at
other times, we have none. The pain
that goes along with hope, or more appropriately the lack of it, is completely
relative to our own lives. One of us can be dealing with cancer and another one of us
can be feeling lonely, but somehow we can have the same amount of pain associated with that
loss of hope. It is heartbreaking to
hear the news that someone you know lost every ounce of their hope. The news made me reach out to a few
friends that I love in my life who are going through tough spots, just say
hello and that I care. I’m not worried
about any of them losing all of their hope, but sometimes it just helps
to have someone say, “I’m here if you need me.
And…. I’m here if you don’t need me.
Either way, you are someone I care about,”. We all need to hear those kinds of
things.
During our conversation we recalled a speech that both my
friend and I had heard recently. The
person who gave the speech said some absolutely brilliant things but there was one
thing that really hit home for me. The
speaker talked about a time when she was getting ready to take her 3 year old
to the beach. She described the process
of that morning and how she was running around like a mad women trying to get lunches packed,
finding the sand toys, looking for the towels…. basically complete chaos. In the midst of all of this, her 3 year old
said to her in a very stern manner, “I WANT to go to the OCEAN!”. She replied, “I know honey…we are preparing
for that…this is what ‘going to the ocean’ looks like,”. It was just then she said, that it dawned on her, that her own
life had been prepared very much the same way.
She explained that there are things that we want in life and it drives
us nuts to face all of the hurdles we have to jump trying to obtain those things. But maybe God is doing that same thing for us
when we get to those hurdles. Maybe
those hurdles are God preparing us for what we want in life. It feels like a mess and complete chaos, but
it is God preparing us to “go to the ocean,” whatever our “ocean” is.
I’m not *exactly* where I want to be with myself just yet… I
may even have a long way to go.
But someone shared the following quote with me and I try and remind
myself of it whenever I am facing a difficult day or a personal struggle.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have
known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their
way out of the depths. These persons
have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills
them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
– Elizabeth Kubler Ros
I am so grateful for the truly beautiful people I have met
in the last 74 days. And…as much as I
want to fight it some days, I am grateful that God is preparing me to “go to
the ocean”.
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