Open Books Don't Work

I used to think that being an “open book” about myself was a good thing. I thought it made me more accessible in relationships, that it would make people feel more comfortable with me, and that letting them get to know the “all” of me from the beginning was the best way.

I have watched past relationships be destroyed because of my lack of filter on information I share. Not that the info I am sharing is shocking or bad by any means, it’s just not presented at the right time or the right way. When faced with another one of these failures, I always end up saying that I don’t know where it went wrong, and there are two people specifically that tell me over and over that I need to learn how to “filter” and not be so open so soon. I have heard them many times, but I don’t think I have really understood it until recently when I did it again.

When confiding in a friend on my latest screw up, one who has lived through my craziness first hand, I got the response, "Try to then think about why you said it, and then why it didn't have the effect you wanted it to. The common theme will undoubtedly sound familiar. Julie got a little excited and accidently dumped her mental baggage on someone else. Don’t give up. There are many eligible bachelors out there and many would think you are ‘the best thing since sliced cheese’.”. It feels good to hear these things but it all goes back to me finding someone who can put up with my moments of pure insanity. I am going to mess up sometimes. It's a guarantee.

Am I going to learn to just shut up and allow myself to not screw something up based on stupid comments from the peanut gallery? Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn the lesson without completely pushing someone away, we’ll get through it, and my stupidity will make us stronger in the end. That’s probably a lot to ask.