Where Are the 30% Who Don't?

I was talking with someone last night about how no one likes to be cheated on (seems like an obvious statement but in the context it made sense). Tonight I find out that yet another one of my friends has been cheated on by her husband. In the last year, I know 6 people who have either cheated or have been cheated on by either their spouse or long term partner.

The more I think about this the more it perplexes me. I say this, knowing that someone will find it sexist, but I honestly don’t mean it as such – it’s just that out of those 6 people, it has been the man who has cheated in every situation. This scares the crap out me. Has it gotten to the point where I can basically just count on being cheated on by my husband? Most of the stats I see say between 50-70% of married men cheat. My odds are not so good. 4 out of these 6 men were men who I trusted, considered to be great guys and who I believed deeply loved their wife/girlfriend.

I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends (who is trying fix the relationship) and part of her believes that there are things that she did that basically supported his cheating. I am not sure if I believe this. Ok, I guess if you are married and are withholding sex from your husband, that may encourage it, but that was not the case for her. Then again, I read it Psychology Today that 80% of the men who cheat don’t cheat because of sex. It’s more of a need of feeling wanted, being understood or because of love. I really want to believe that there are A) Men that cheat and B) Men that don’t cheat. Why are we blaming it on ourselves when really, the guy just might be a cheater?

I think they only thing that can make the cheating situation worse, actually happened to two people I know. Their cheating spouse did not use any form of protection, and of course, came back and slept with their wives. That goes to another level. If you are going to mess with someone’s emotions that is one thing. But when you put their health at risk….I don’t even know how to describe how angry it makes me even thinking about that. It is so beyond unfair and honestly I think is worse than the cheating, if you could separate the two. Messing with someone’s emotions is one thing. Messing with someone’s health and safety is another. I think that would put me past what I could forgive. Thank goodness I have never had to experience a very serious relationship betrayal, so I can’t answer that for sure, but I don’t think I could get past that.

So it comes back to the question…why does it seem like there are so many people cheating at the moment? Is it because I am getting older and I am seeing more serious relationships? Is it because it is being more widely accepted? We are blaming everything else on the economy right now so for the sake of ending this, I’ll blame cheating on the economy too.