Playing Slots with Life

This work thing is out of control. I looked today and I have applied to 212 jobs. 212. And there are not just any jobs but jobs that I am completely qualified for. 212. What number will I reach before I hit the jackpot?

It is scary to watch the economy right now. The only thing that makes me feel a little bit better is to open the newspaper and to see that the unemployment rate in San Diego is still going up. Not that that should make me feel good, but it at least makes me realize I am not the only one out there in this crap position. I never, never, never thought I would be 30 years old, with a Master’s Degree and tons of fantastic experience (and many successes as well!) and be having this difficult of a time finding a full time job. I know technically I do have a “job” but it is so part-time and random that it’s hard to count it some days. I am so thankful family has been able to help out over the last year. It has been SO hard living with them during this time – not really because of them, but more because of pride and wanting my own space and “stuff” back. My belongings have been in storage for the last 11 months – God only knows what shape they are going to be in, especially with the a-hole running the moving and storage company.

It will work out eventually. The greatest thing that has come out of all of this has been my ability to go and work for CCS and really do some amazing work through them. It has been wonderful training for and then putting my training to work for domestic violence and sexual assault victims. I don’t know how many lives I have saved but I know it has been quite a few, but just going over safety planning with some of these people. And getting to the end of the call and having them say “Julie…I think you may have just saved my life” is worth every bit of it.

As strange as this may sound, part of me believes that maybe this unemployment period has been because I was supposed to help someone. Maybe I was supposed to talk to “Lisa” about how to get herself and her children safely out of her home while her husband was at the store. Maybe I was supposed to go to Wilmington to help my grandparents. Maybe there will be someone next week that I come across that needs me more than I need a job at the moment, and if I had been working I wouldn’t have been able to help them. Maybe when I do whatever it is that I was supposed to do, that is when I will get my next full time job. I have always believed that with death, so why not this. Part of me has always believed that you are put on this earth to do certain things. And once you have finished those things, that is when God takes you. It’s the only rational explanation for why some people get run over by a car and walk away and others get stung by a bee and die. The people who walk away haven’t finished whatever they are supposed to do. The ones who don’t walk away, have. What do I have to do before I hit the “jackpot” I call Heaven?