Following up...again...and again...

I am feeling like I keep having to remind myself to breathe at the moment. It’s way too early and I have been awake way too long. And it’s at that point where there is no reason to try and attempt to go back to sleep as it will just make the 7am alarm that much worse.

Breathe….

I am feeling a little like I am drowning at the moment. And in what, I am not sure. I am just coming out of a great weekend with one of my closest friends from back in St. Louis. Maybe the fact that having someone around that really knows me and not feeling like I have to filter anything has made me feel the depth (or non-depth) of my existence in San Diego at the moment. I haven’t caught up with myself here yet. Not that I don’t know myself because I actually feel like I know “me” better than I have in years. I don’t question that anymore. The outside view of my definition hasn’t happened here yet and people need that.

Accountability was brought up to me tonight from a friend of mine who decided to end a relationship sometime between me seeing them at the gym at 6pm and 11pm when I heard from them. They wanted to know if accountability was so much to ask for in a relationship? The hardest thing about accountability is that you can control it from anyone else. Granted, you can’t control anything anyone does, but you can’t change how people follow-up or follow through on their own life’s or actions. You can only focus on yours. I had a big discussion about that this weekend as I find myself frustrated from the lack of follow-up with numerous people in my life. From doctors, to friends, to potential employers… David knows how I respond to things. I am pretty close to immediate if I can be. If not, 24 hours and it is done. If it can’t be done in 24 hours, you’ll have a reason why and a follow-up date in which I will follow up. Most people don’t work this way. I know a few…but very few. The non-followthroughers make my laundry list of “to-do’s” even that much longer. Tasks change from “Call so-n-so” to “Follow up with so-n-so”. I can’t cross these things off without participation. It’s different than accountability, but rests along the same lines.

I’m still breathing which is good. 71 minutes until that alarm will sound and I get to start following-up on everything again.